Why can't I shake the feeling that this is the beginning of the end? 

I don't think I've felt this alone in a very, very long time.

I'm falling. Quickly. And it's wonderful, and amazing, and strange. And a scary...because it's going to hurt when it's all over. A lot. But...it's worth it, right?



You're cinematic razor sharp
A welcome arrow through the heart
Under your skin feels like home
Electric shocks on aching bones 

And you close your eyes, and you remember those hurtful words. And you open your eyes, expecting them to be gone with the memory...but they aren't. Instead, it's a mirror image of them, coming from someone you never thought they'd come from. 

And you can't quite help but wonder...is it you?

So many feelings... I'm confused and blissfully ignorant, tired and wide awake, reckless and reserved, happy and sad, fantastic and terrible, worried and confident, hurt and loved, lonely and crowded...all at the same time. I'm on new ground, and I don't know if tomorrow, next week, next year, I'll be thankful or regret it. But I'm feeling, which is more than has happened for...a while. I haven't updated in over 3 months, because I couldn't say anything. That isn't happening anymore...

It isn't very difficult to see why
You are the way you are
Doesn't take a genius to realise
That sometimes life is hard
It's gonna take time
But you'll just have to wait
You're gonna be fine
But in the meantime

Come over here lady
Let me wipe your tears away
Come a little nearer baby
Coz you'll heal over
Heal over
Heal over someday

And I don't wanna hear you tell yourself
That these feelings are in the past
You know it doesn't mean they're off the shelf
Because pain's built to last
Everybody sails alone
But we can travel side by side
Even if you fail
You know that no one really minds
Come over here lady

Don't hold on but don't let go
I know it's so hard
You've got to try to trust yourself
I know it's so hard, so hard

Come over here lady
Let me wipe your tears away
Come a little nearer baby
Coz you'll heal over, heal over, heal over someday

Right, so, I'm supposed to be in class in like...5 minutes, but first:

Why don't we ever learn?

I let myself love her again this week. Well, I always love her...But I let myself *really* care. I do that when I'm sick. I always do...I love to just be held until I fall asleep, to talk...I don't know why, but I've always been like that. This week, I did it again. I let myself, trying to convince myself that maybe I wouldn't get hurt this time.

But people don't change, do they? Not really.

Fuck. I hate it here. So much. I want to get out more than anything, and now it looks like I won't even be able to do that.

So what's the point?

I just realized that I have been constantly sick since the week before finals with head colds/flus/strep throats/everything. And with all the other random health stuff....AGH. I want a new body. Now. Emma gets one too.